The Loss of Self.

A memoir. The story of a boy who was never wanted, and the man who refused to stay broken. Part One follows the life up to 2016 — the rise, the fall, and the survival.

MEMOIR · ~50,000 WORDS · COMPLETE · ENDS IN 2016

The Loss of Self — Part Two · coming soon

The rebuild. What it takes to put a self back together after you’ve lost everything.

THE SELF-RECOVERY CHRONICLES

This Is What God Will Do to You If You’re Gay

At ten, I found a book stamped AIDS in my grandfather’s drawer. At seventeen, a stranger dragged me through an AIDS ward in Texas, pointed at a dying man, and said the words that became this title. For twenty years that fear followed me — Los Angeles, Cologne, London — watching beautiful men turn to ghosts overnight. Then in 2009, days after the only person who ever loved me died, I did the one thing I’d spent my whole life running from. On purpose.

This is the story of how a boy taught to hate himself chose his deepest fear just to feel in control — and how he learned that it was never HIV, or grief, that broke him. It was his refusal to face the pain. Ninety minutes. Unflinching. Not a plea for sympathy — a mirror. Have you recognised yourself?

FOR LITERARY AGENTS, PUBLISHERS & SCREEN

The Loss of Self — Part One is complete and ready. I’m seeking literary representation, and open to conversations with producers and developers about film, limited series, and documentary.

Memoir · Part One ~50,000 words · complete · Part Two in progress
Written in English · author works EN / DE / FR / LU
Berlin · lived across nine countries · available to agents and editors on request