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Alek Martin
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MY STORY

I wasn't born — I survived my way into this world.

It took me a long time to like myself — and even longer to truly love who I am.

I refuse to leave this world the same way I entered it — unwanted.

I'm still on the journey, but one thing is certain. I was born to a 16-year-old girl who couldn't love me — not because she was evil, but because I was never her choice. My conception wasn't her will. I had nothing to do with that, yet I paid for it.

[ WHERE IT STARTED ]

I was about twenty-nine when I asked my grandmother about her childhood. She couldn't answer at first. Days later, she came back to me and said: "My mother was a terrible person." I looked at her and saw not a grown woman, but a broken little child. That child never left her.

She told me how, at just six years old, her mother locked her in a cellar — not the kind you know today, but a cold, dark place in 1940s Luxembourg. No heating, no light, no electricity. Bread, water, and a potty, to survive punishment she did not deserve. Her mother drank, partied, and left behind thirteen estranged children with five different fathers. No warmth. No safety. No childhood.

What you don't heal, you pass on.

[ IT FLOWED DOWN ]

That pain flowed into my mother, into me, and into the rest of my family.

My grandparents raised me. They did their best. But my mother — she wore the mask of "mum" while draining me for whatever she could get. She never took responsibility. Not once. Not ever. I don't remember her hugging me. I don't remember her holding my hand. I don't remember her ever choosing me. What I do remember is the emptiness — the constant reminder that I was never safe.

My uncle's son became addicted to heroin. My cousin battled mental illness until he took his own life in 2017. My sister continues the cycle of drugs and abuse with her own children. Everywhere I looked, I saw the same broken pattern repeating.

[ WHO I BECAME ]

I grew up in Luxembourg, but never belonged. Truth is, I've never really belonged anywhere. I'm a gay man who didn't want to be. I didn't dream of a "gay life". I dreamed of a wife, a child, seeing my eyes in theirs. But growing up in the '70s, that dream wasn't available to boys like me. So I left home at 16. And I've been searching ever since.

I've lived in the U.S., England, France, Germany, Denmark, Poland, Switzerland… I'm still searching. You could call me a mongrel. A man without a home. Without a nation. And I'm fine with that. I've been a millionaire — and lost it all.

[ THE FALL ]

In 2009, the woman who raised me — my grandmother — passed away.

With her went the last anchor in my life. At the time I didn't know that my resilience left with her — and all my unresolved childhood trauma hit me at once. It was too much. I had a mental breakdown, with no one to catch me. What followed was a brutal fall:

But I refused to stay broken. I made my pain louder than my shame — and turned it into something that could serve others.

[ WHO I AM NOW ]

Today, I help others do the same. Through coaching. Through writing. Through radical, unfiltered truth. I speak four languages. I've lived nine lives. I'm wildly creative. Deeply organised. Painfully honest.

If you choose to have children, it becomes your duty to heal your own trauma — so they don't have to. The work is yours. Not theirs.

I refuse to leave this world as unwanted as I entered it. And I won't let you either.

[ THE ROAD HERE ]

1981
Age nine — started working in my mother's store in Luxembourg
1987
European Investment Bank & UBS — temporary student placement
1988
Awarded the Medal of Merit by the Grand Duke of Luxembourg — competitive figure skating
1989
Appeared in a François Ozon film, Paris
1989
Left Luxembourg at 16 — moved to Dallas, then Los Angeles for five years
1991
Contract with Holiday on Ice, Luxembourg
1994
Certified Personal Trainer, London
1998
Appeared in Forbidden Love (Verbotene Liebe), Cologne · and in 90210, Los Angeles
1998
–2003
CEO & Founder, Killer Dog Inc. — streetwear retail chain & production company. Built and ran multiple stores in Cologne, becoming a millionaire before 30
2004
Project Manager, Harrods, London — managed a luxury retail account worth £24M
2006
Certified Life Coach, London
2007
Founded FreshFace Recruitment, London
2008
Founded DuckDeluxe Holiday Homes, Paris
2009
The turning point. My grandmother passed away — and the fall began
2017
Self-published The Loss of Self, Poznań, Poland
2019
Rebuilt and restarted my coaching work — specialising in trauma, identity, and relational healing
2026
Rewrote The Loss of Self — and looking for a literary agent, publisher, or networks interested in making my story into something bigger

Want to hear it from me directly?

If you want to learn something — or just hear my story — you can book me. Just let me know.

And for business: I've built a keynote about all of this. Trust me — people rethink their lives after hearing me speak.

[ WHAT THEY TOOK FROM IT ]

"I booked Alek to hear his story and ask him questions about it — I was so intrigued when I read it. I learned so much about myself. Ninety minutes full of deep self-reflection, hearing a man who owns everything about himself."

DAMIEN · PARIS

"Even when you've already worked with different coaches, letting yourself into Aleksander's approach is, in many ways, new and different at first. The path we took in coaching was marked by enormous empathy and complete honesty. With very clear, direct questions, Aleksander helps you develop that honesty towards yourself — in a sensitive and structured way. We've also worked with him in a business context, in workshops and one-to-one coaching, to give leaders a chance to grow personally. His story brought several of our staff to tears. I can wholeheartedly recommend working with Aleksander in both areas."

MICHAEL SCHLUTT · H&M

[ NOW YOU ]

What did you inherit that was never yours to carry?

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